8 Signs You’re Dating An Immature Man or Woman

awkward-couple-featureIt is my personal belief that every person comes into our life for a reason. If this is true, it is important for us to consider the spiritual tests that come with each friendship to allow us to grow. These tests come to us every time someone challenges our sensibilities about who we are or what we will tolerate in any given relationship. Again, when we choose not to pass our spiritual tests or ignore the writing on the wall, we pay a significant price for our lapse in judgment. Being in a romantic relationship with an immature man or woman is like managing a high-schooler. There is nothing good that can come from it. This is especially true for a man or woman with aspirations of someday being married. Great bonding can only occur if you are equally immature.

What does immature behavior look like?

Here are 8 sure signs you’re dating an immature man or woman.

● Makes comments that are insensitive & inappropriate

It is simply rude to tell someone that you are smarter, more attractive, or funnier than they are. Are we back in preschool? Bringing up imperfections is unnecessary, and the person who does this is clearly very insecure. When someone makes a comment that you know is totally inappropriate, model behavior that is mature: keep yourself calm and let your silence over the next few weeks speak for itself. Being aware of the impact of your words and actions is a sign of maturity.

● Texts you as his/her primary mode of communication

Texting is not going to end. There is no getting around this. Granted, some people do not enjoy talking over the phone. However, if there is someone in your life you would like to get to know better, texting them throughout the day and night is not the way to put your best foot forward. By using texting as your primary mode of communication, you may miss out on getting to know the person you have affection for in a healthy way. Take the plunge, put yourself out there, and pick up the phone to experience a real interaction.

● Ill mannered behavior

Many singles are asleep about behaviors that might be considered silly by some. Belching, passing gas, drunken conduct and not giving two cents about your table manners may get you on the do not call list if you are not careful. It is not cool even though in your mind you have been socialized to think it is. Being obnoxious and rude to service people is also a real turn off. Remember, how you or your love interest conducts him or herself both in and out of your presence could be a reflection of things to come, for better or worse.

● No respect for your calendar

The guy or woman who doesn’t respect the fact that you have a life outside of your friendship with them is demonstrating self-centered behavior and may not be worth your time and effort. This is typically seen when a possible love interest calls you and expects you to drop everything and be free that day or the next day. With all that is going on in life how can anyone expect you to be free? Plan ahead and give your girlfriend a few days notice to plan an outing. This is very important, especially in the first few months of dating.

● The communication is flat

The ability to hold a conversation about a topic other than the latest episode of House of Cards will be imperative for you to proceed to the next phase of the relationship. There is no harm in being one dimensional, just commit to developing good communication skills. Remember communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship and if the communication doesn’t flow the relationship will fizzle. Keep communication at the top of your list to foster a foundation for a solid relationship.

● Questionable hygiene

I am going to refrain from expounding on this topic. It speaks for itself. Make certain you don’t have a blind spot in this area.

● No clearly defined interests

Having clearly defined interests is a sign of a well rounded human being. Having wide interests is a key part of being characterized as “interesting”. If you are one of the millions of singles that do not have clearly defined interests, sit quietly and ask yourself what could I be doing that would really make me happy. As we all grow and mature it is very important that we get in touch with what brings us joy.

If it is you that is immature than you have a little work to do. To get additional laser-focused guidance about dating in the 21st century contact me for a complimentary session.

© Copyright 2014 Karla Moore. All Rights Reserved.

Dating Tips – Younger Women Dating Older Men: A Quick Reality Check

HandsomecouplejpgFor a woman in her 20’s and 30’s, dating a man in his 40’s and 50’s can be an intriguing option. Some women, tired of the hustle & bustle and ups & downs of dating men their own age find the contrast of a man who presents a more seasoned, grounded, financially secure, and more emotionally mature profile to be quite enticing. Older men can have a mystique about them that can be very attractive to a younger woman. He can wine and dine you and probably has the ability to lay on a certain kind of charm that is usually simply beyond what a young man can provide. He may even have picked up a trick or two in the bedroom that the young guys haven’t discovered yet as well! As with all things romantic though, a woman considering this kind of relationship just needs to go into it with her eyes wide open – being strategic and thoughtful about the relationship – understanding both the benefits and the potential shortcomings.While a man may have gained a measure of confidence and “smoothness” through the years, in all honesty, he may have also picked up some “baggage” along the way as well. Now to be clear, whatever our age or our circumstances, we all have baggage. It’s just that the baggage of an older man may be a new kind of baggage for a younger woman. Of course, front and center, there may be ex-wives and children in his life. These clearly don’t have to be deal breakers; in fact, children (both his and those the two of you create) can add enormous joy to your life. It’s just something to think about as you consider a relationship with an older man; both how you feel about it and whether you’re ok with dealing with it on a day-to-day basis.Similarly, his relationship with the mother of his children may be something new that you’ve never dealt with before; an “ex” that’s still on the scene. Do your best to understand the nature of their relationship (as parents) and determine what makes sense to you. As with all nuances of your relationship, communication is absolutely key. Do your best to understand as much as you can from him about these relationships and where you fit in his life vis-a-vis them. Understand as well that this might introduce a measure of complexity that you hadn’t considered. As with most things in life, there’s a cost-benefit analysis; do the positives of the relationship outweigh any negatives. For most, if they’ve found an otherwise loving and devoted mate, the “costs” are well worth it.

Your approach to much of this will likely be determined by your over-all perspective on life; whether you are a glass half-full or half-empty kind of person. Do you approach life, basically, from a positive point of view – with your eyes fixed on the opportunities, or are you more worried about minimizing the downside? If “it’s all good”, then perhaps simply being aware of what’s ahead will suffice. If not, then perhaps there are a few questions you should ask yourself before you head down a path with a man with these kind of family entanglements.

1. Will you be able to handle your future husband’s communicating with his ex wife on a weekly basis as he is co-parenting his children?

2. Are you clear about what your roll will be as a step-mother?

3. Can you accept the fact that your step children may never say they love you or call you mom?

4. Are you emotionally & spiritually strong enough to share your husband with an ex-wife?

I always encourage singles to “cast a wide net” in search of a mate. Certainly, dating someone older could be a part of this. It’s just a matter of being thoughtful and strategic about your love life. As we know, there are happy and healthy couples with significant age differences all around us. Maybe it’s something for you as well? On the other hand, perhaps you’re the type who wants to singularly co-create your baggage with someone closer to your own age. Know that the love of your life is out there and just be open to whatever package that he might come in. To get more insights on how these tips may apply to you inquire at Karla@NineGPS.com for a private consultation. I wish you well! Stay optimistic!

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© Copyright 2012 Karla Moore. All Rights Reserved.