8 Signs You’re Dating An Immature Man or Woman

awkward-couple-featureIt is my personal belief that every person comes into our life for a reason. If this is true, it is important for us to consider the spiritual tests that come with each friendship to allow us to grow. These tests come to us every time someone challenges our sensibilities about who we are or what we will tolerate in any given relationship. Again, when we choose not to pass our spiritual tests or ignore the writing on the wall, we pay a significant price for our lapse in judgment. Being in a romantic relationship with an immature man or woman is like managing a high-schooler. There is nothing good that can come from it. This is especially true for a man or woman with aspirations of someday being married. Great bonding can only occur if you are equally immature.

What does immature behavior look like?

Here are 8 sure signs you’re dating an immature man or woman.

● Makes comments that are insensitive & inappropriate

It is simply rude to tell someone that you are smarter, more attractive, or funnier than they are. Are we back in preschool? Bringing up imperfections is unnecessary, and the person who does this is clearly very insecure. When someone makes a comment that you know is totally inappropriate, model behavior that is mature: keep yourself calm and let your silence over the next few weeks speak for itself. Being aware of the impact of your words and actions is a sign of maturity.

● Texts you as his/her primary mode of communication

Texting is not going to end. There is no getting around this. Granted, some people do not enjoy talking over the phone. However, if there is someone in your life you would like to get to know better, texting them throughout the day and night is not the way to put your best foot forward. By using texting as your primary mode of communication, you may miss out on getting to know the person you have affection for in a healthy way. Take the plunge, put yourself out there, and pick up the phone to experience a real interaction.

● Ill mannered behavior

Many singles are asleep about behaviors that might be considered silly by some. Belching, passing gas, drunken conduct and not giving two cents about your table manners may get you on the do not call list if you are not careful. It is not cool even though in your mind you have been socialized to think it is. Being obnoxious and rude to service people is also a real turn off. Remember, how you or your love interest conducts him or herself both in and out of your presence could be a reflection of things to come, for better or worse.

● No respect for your calendar

The guy or woman who doesn’t respect the fact that you have a life outside of your friendship with them is demonstrating self-centered behavior and may not be worth your time and effort. This is typically seen when a possible love interest calls you and expects you to drop everything and be free that day or the next day. With all that is going on in life how can anyone expect you to be free? Plan ahead and give your girlfriend a few days notice to plan an outing. This is very important, especially in the first few months of dating.

● The communication is flat

The ability to hold a conversation about a topic other than the latest episode of House of Cards will be imperative for you to proceed to the next phase of the relationship. There is no harm in being one dimensional, just commit to developing good communication skills. Remember communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship and if the communication doesn’t flow the relationship will fizzle. Keep communication at the top of your list to foster a foundation for a solid relationship.

● Questionable hygiene

I am going to refrain from expounding on this topic. It speaks for itself. Make certain you don’t have a blind spot in this area.

● No clearly defined interests

Having clearly defined interests is a sign of a well rounded human being. Having wide interests is a key part of being characterized as “interesting”. If you are one of the millions of singles that do not have clearly defined interests, sit quietly and ask yourself what could I be doing that would really make me happy. As we all grow and mature it is very important that we get in touch with what brings us joy.

If it is you that is immature than you have a little work to do. To get additional laser-focused guidance about dating in the 21st century contact me for a complimentary session.

© Copyright 2014 Karla Moore. All Rights Reserved.

6 Creative Indoor Date Ideas

paying-dates_a
After your date has made all the right moves by inviting you out on a few proper dates it is time for you, as the woman, to step up and offer to plan a date. He will appreciate seeing you in your habitat and the energy you put fourth. While organizing the date you have the beautiful opportunity to quietly communicate to your date your level of taste. This can also be a great way to show him that you are very grounded and down to earth in a most creative way.
Around the world in a night
Pick an eclectic foreign film like Cinema Paradiso – Italian (1988) or Black Opheus – French (1959) and pair the movie with an Italian or French dish and a sexy regional red wine.
Vintage Americana
Suggest teaming up and cooking a classic filet migion with sauteed red potatoes & mushrooms. Find a romantic classic film like The Thomas Crown Affair – 1968 with Steve McQueen and Faye Dunaway. Watching this movie will surely bring the chemistry between you and your date to a nice simmer. Pair this movie with a California Cabernet or an off beat Arizona red.
If he is nauseated by light hearted, romantic films suggest The French Connection (1971). This will appeal to his intrinsic enjoyment of violence.
Music Anyone?
For couples that share the gift of playing a musical instrument sharing your musical talents over a glass of Bordeaux can be extremely fun and will illuminate interesting qualities about your date. If you are not in touch with your inner musician than create a playlist on your Iphone with your top 10 favorite songs.
Classic & Modern Games
There is something very charming and nostalgic about playing chess with the person you are dating. The idea here is to keep the pressure low but keep it fun and sexy. If you really want to appeal to his little boy suggest a joint game of Mine Craft or Wii Sports. Bowling anyone?
Wine or Microbrew Tasting
Presuming you have no idea what kind of wine or beer your date likes this is a great way to get to know your dates interest in, or lack there of, beer or wine. To take the right approach stop by your local Wholefoods Market and pick 4 or 5 brands of beer or wine. You both will come away from this experience with a more well rounded palette.
Show & Tell Time
Each of you bring something that is meaningful, fun and special to you. This could be a baby picture, self made art or a favorite book. The idea is for the item to reveal something interesting about who you are and where you have been in a fun way.
Peruse through this blog for further advice.  Contact me today NineGPS.com  to learn how to apply these insights to your specific circumstance.
© Copyright 2013 Karla Moore. All Rights Reserved.

Dating Tips: How do I find a boyfriend? How do I get a date?

13872539-young-woman-with-doubtful-expression-and-question-marks-over-her-headThe big questions that most perennially single women ask themselves are ‘Where do I find a promising date?” and “How do I get a boyfriend?”  As a leading dating coach and matchmaker, I hear that question all day long. Of course, everyone’s situation is different, but here’s how I generally approach this.

1) The first step to finding someone special is to get in harmony with the idea of what it will really take to be in a relationship and to be a girlfriend. Are you ready? Are you really ready?

If you said yes then many of you have to come out of your shell and make yourself both physically and emotionally available for a potential partner.   Having a boyfriend is a wonderful idea, but you’ve got to be prepared for what it takes to find one, and then when you’ve found someone you like, you’ve got to commit to put the work in to sustain and manage that relationship.

2) Too many singles are WAY too passive about their love lives.  They are thoughtful and strategic about their careers, but think that love is just going to bop them over the head one day.  No, you’ve got to be just as strategic in love as you are in other parts of your life.  Take control of your ‘love search’.  Be aggressive about putting yourself in situations where you might meet someone.  Think about your love life multiple moves at a time like chess.

3) No matter what God has blessed you with physically, you can do things to put your absolute best foot forward.  How you look, what you wear, how you handle yourself, what you say, etc. (and much more) all makes a huge difference in how successful you will be in attracting and keeping love.  There are some basic tips that you should be aware of.  Ask me if you don’t know.

4) Where can I meet men? Bars are great for hanging out and having fun.  Forget about them as a place to meet a potential significant other.  Potentially impaired by both alcohol and ego around buddies, many men are looking for something other than a potentially serious relationship there.  For sure, spend more time out and around your interests – at parks, museums, churches, sporting events, etc. Heck, even hire a matchmaker to meet some incredible new men!  🙂

The mechanics of finding a boyfriend can be tricky but it is doable in a very short period of time if you have the tools and a clear head to execute it. In fact, it happens every day!  Heed these tips and you’ll be smarter about the process.  Peruse through this blog for further advice.  Contact me today NineGPS.com 404.496.8293 to learn how to apply these insights to your specific circumstance.

© Copyright 2013 Karla Moore. All Rights Reserved.

8 Tips For Avoiding An Online Dating Scam

The publicity around the Manti Te’o “catfishing” fiasco shines new light on online dating scams and the complexity of online dating. As a way to meet others, the practice is certainly here to stay.  Social sites can connect people in a way that just can’t be replicated in the offline world.  In fact, for many time-constrained professionals, online dating is the preferred way to meet a variety of potential partners, especially in contrast to the social challenges of the traditional bar or club scene.  While many have successfully found their true loves online, many others have been disappointed.  Here are a few thoughts on how to best maneuver the online dating experience.

First, a few facts.  According to statiscticbrain.com there are 54 million singles in the US, 40 million of whom have tried online dating.  Over $1 billion in revenue is generated annually by online dating and 17% of all marriages last year were of couples who first met on a dating site.  So, it is definitely safe to say that online dating is a major factor in contemporary relationships and is here to stay!

The overriding counsel around online dating is to “trust but verify”.  You remember the principle that President Reagan popularized with the Soviets; to negotiate optimistically, but to also diligently verify facts as you proceed.  In online dating you won’t be successful if you approach the process with fear and anxiety.  You’ve got to be open to sharing and interacting with others, but at the same time it’s just smart to also be discerning – maybe even a bit cynical at first – in considering what you read/hear until you can verify things with your own eyes.

Let’s put all of this in a bit of perspective.  The vast majority of online dating indiscretions are minor.  It’s people posting a flattering picture from a few years and pounds ago, or inflating their resume or interests a bit.  This can mislead, but is not generally malicious.  That said, there are people who intend to scam others trolling online dating sites – just like they do in the offline world.  Here are some tips on how to get the most from the experience while protecting yourself from the knuckleheads:

1) Trust your gut.  You know the saying, “if it seems too good to be true, it probably is”.  That is definitely the case in online dating.  Be sensitive to red flags.  If someone seems to be trying too hard, or “forgets” to mention that the divorce won’t be final for a couple of months, or after you meet you find out they hardly resemble the profile picture then this may indicate a level of dishonesty that perhaps you shouldn’t be comfortable with.  It raises the question of what else they might be being less than honest about.  Listen to your gut on matters like this!

2) Control your communications.  Create a separate email address for online dating from a free provider like Gmail or Yahoo.  This, simply, allows you to control how close people can get to you.  You can completely ignore people you have no interest in remaining in contact with whenever you want – whether as a result of them being undesirable or you finding the love of your life.  It gives you an important sense of control that you should seize.

3) Use the tools at your disposal.  Since you’re already online, it probably makes sense to take advantage of the technology at your fingertips – if you have questions/doubts – to learn more and protect yourself.  Whether it’s simply “Googling” the other person to gain greater insight into publically available information or paying the $20 or so to dive deeper into their background from a site like beenverified.com – the time and money spent can be great investments toward your peace of mind.

Also, apps like RingShuffle that provide temporary phone numbers can make a lot of sense.   A temporary number lets you connect with someone via phone without compromising your real number.

4) Embrace common sense.  You’re heading out to meet someone you’ve been successfully interacting with on the site and via phone.  You’re naturally wondering if this is ‘The One’. The energy is palpable.  When you meet for the first time though, don’t let this excitement temporarily relieve you of your senses.  Drive to your date yourself so you keep your home address private and control when you arrive and leave.  Meet in a public place, and let friends know where you are.  It just makes sense.

5) Be thoughtful about your profile.  Sure you want to put your best foot forward, but you can do that while also being smart about withholding some personal information.  For example, you can get the message across that you are a successful professional by your job title and other things you include in your profile.  Is it really necessary to include salary information that might more overtly attract someone looking to take advantage of you?

6) First things first.  If you think you like someone based upon positive email or site interaction, then move to chat.  If that goes well, then move to the phone.  If that works, then schedule a face-to-face meeting.  At each step, as rationally as you can, assess whether the things you’ve learned about the person in previous interactions still seem to be true.  You don’t want to waste lots of time on someone who ultimately isn’t worth yours, so move as quickly as you are comfortable at each level.  It may sound cold, and feel uncomfortable, but if you’ve decided that someone isn’t a long-term fit – then you’ve got to move on.  Don’t waste time, even if the attention is flattering.

7) Online dating can be addictive.  Proceed with caution.  If you’ve not been on a date, or had much interaction with a potential partner in a while, online dating can become addicting.  It’s very easy to get sucked into going to your inbox every few minutes to check for messages.  Understand that this may happen and do your best to control it.  Put the time in to make sure you have an effective profile, but then it may make sense for some to allot a specific amount of time a day to their online dating efforts.  Figure out what works for you and try to stick to it.

8) Don’t be afraid to get in the mix!   The other side of the addictive online dating coin is people who put up a meager profile, never reach out to anyone or respond to messages, and then complain that online dating doesn’t work.  While being smart about your efforts, you really do have to jump in and invest the time to make it work.  Again, if almost 20% of marriages last year started online – then it’s value is really not in question any more.  Find the right site, get the right photos, author an effective profile – and then reach out to people whose profiles you are drawn to.

Get the online dating help you need by contacting Karla Moore via karla@ninegps.com.

© Copyright 2013 Karla Moore. All Rights Reserved. Visit us NineGPS.com

Dating Tips: Am I A Relationship Saboteur?

In matters of the heart, most people aren’t as closely in touch with their deepest feelings, needs, and desires.  If we’re honest, it sometimes feels like we more bump around like a foosball on a game table then take thoughtful, calculated chess moves in our love lives.  Sure, we can angle for the school or job we want – but most of us are far less strategic about our love lives.  As we get older, this leads to both despair when we’re alone, but also frequently to being coupled with people we have no business being in relationships with.

For example, we’re all familiar with the dating meme of the woman who can never seem to shake her magnetic attraction to “bad boys”.  While she may think that she’s just running a string of bad luck, in reality there’s nothing random about it.  She may like the looks and style of a “player”, but any serious thought would clearly tell her that he wouldn’t be an appropriate partner.  At a subconscious level, it may make her feel good about herself that she, too, can attract this superficially desirable man.  But, in the end, should she really be surprised when he continues his boorish behavior with her and she ends up hurt and disappointed?

 Like too much chocolate, a bad boy or girl may seem great, but is not really good for us.  Why?  What is attractive on first glance frequently is not what will sustain a healthy relationship in the long run.  Sure, the best relationships have that incendiary chemistry that has sparks flying from day one.  Equally as important though, are the underlying characteristics that complement physical attraction and that are necessary to a happy long term relationship like character, values, compatibility  etc. Of course, it’s much harder to assess these deeper attributes at first glance, but that’s why it’s good to pace ourselves and approach relationships with both our heart and our head!

For people who often find themselves in unhealthy relationships, there are frequently deeper internal psychological battles being fought.  When we insist on getting into relationships with people who are unhealthy for us, it reinforces an underlying message that we do not deserve a healthy, loving relationship.  This creates a spiral of self-destructive and self-fulfilling prophesies that keeps us alone or unhappy.   When I see this play out with singles I remind them that this is their inner saboteur in full bloom. It’s natural – everyone has this to one degree or another in various aspects of their lives, but it prevents us from doing and being our best and should be addressed.  In relationships, it keeps us from experiencing the love we deserve.  The good news is that there’s a fix!

We cannot move forward and attract an amazing mate if we cave into our inner saboteur’s demands. We say we want a loving, healthy relationship but end up behaving in ways that tell the universe the opposite. The overarching message here is that finding healthy love doesn’t happen without work. If you need help sorting out your dating challenges or taming your own internal saboteur, email me for a consult at karla@ninegps.com.

 

© Copyright 2013 Karla Moore. All Rights Reserved. Visit us NineGPS.com